Beauty for Ashes

It was early Sabbath morning. I had just woken up and was praying. It was still dark but I really felt I needed to get up up and be very intentional about spending time with God. I found a quiet place outside and continued to pray but it was difficult to concentrate. It was about 30 minutes later I felt I could not stay there. I really felt called to the mountain but, quite honestly, I did not want to go. I wanted quiet time. But I had no peace so I decided to hike up the mountain...and I continued to pray. All the way up I could smell smoke. I rounded a corner to see a wall of flames licking up the pine needles and small bushes on the mountainside. It wasn't so much the charred and smouldering terrain that surprised me as much as why I was standing there. I had seen the distant flames the night before, so I knew something would be different. Since the fire was no threat to me, I continued walking. In every direction I looked, the ground around me was covered in ashes.  The longer I walk, the more I realize what the fire has done. All of my favorite places on the mountain have been through the flames. I continue on to where I love to lie on the cushion of pine needles, gaze at the passing clouds, and listen to the whispering breeze...now the ground is covered in ashes. I find myself almost complaining, "God, how could you allow all this beauty to be destroyed? And besides, what encouragement could you possibly have for me in seeing all of this...I'm seeing enough ashes in my life right now."

I tried to think of every possible verse in the Bible that talked about ashes, to see what God might be trying to show me. Sure enough, I found that ashes are generally a pretty hopeless thing. Ashes were the residue from the sacrifices of Israel which were cast aside beside the altar (Lev. 1:16). Later, a priest would change from his priestly garments to bring the ashes to their designated place outside the camp (Lev. 6:11).  Throughout the Bible, ashes are used as a symbol of humiliation, shame, grief, and mourning. Both Abraham and Job compared their lamentable human condition to ashes. Malachi prophesied that the wicked will be reduced to ashes (Malachi 4:3).

Hmmm...a pretty grim picture. The only verse that seemed to hint at hope was Isaiah 61:3 

"To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness..."

I could see the ashes quite well, but I was still struggling. What purpose could God be fulfilling through the ashes in our lives? How it possibly be something beautiful?

It didn't happen all that day but I slowly began to realize that our ashes: our sinfulness and unworthiness, our insignificance and helplessness, all give God the opportunity to do what He does best...create from nothing.

Romans 4:17 "...In the presence of Him whom he believed--God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did."

When we come to the end of human resources and possibilities, that's when God's unfailing power shines through, because we see our weaknesses and finally become willing to call on Help beyond ourselves. In our lives, some things will be destroyed, plans will fail, hopes and dreams will be disappointed. 

Earthly loss, grief, afflictions, trials, are not the end of hope. They cannot even be compared to the beauty that God will bring out of them, the day when we see the recorded "heavenly edition" of our earthly journey.

But why was it that Abraham was able to experience the power of God?

"Who, contrary to hope, in hope believed, so that he became the father of many nations, according to what was spoken, "So shall your descendants be." And not being weak in faith, he did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah's womb.

He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform." (Romans 4:18-21)

In summary, he was so convinced of God's power that not even impossibility itself would shake his faith. The same God who worked with Abraham for 100 hundred years to develop such a faith is still willing to do the same for me! Just as now, three weeks later, I walk the same charred mountainside, I see that the rain is washing away the ashes and causing plants to spring up everywhere, He can bring beauty out of my ashes.

How Do They Know?

It is still pitch black. The darkness of the lonely streets is pierced only by a few sparse street lights. People in this part of Honduras are generally early risers, but this morning I feel like I won the contest... Except for the roosters! I listened to a few of them shatter the early morning silence with their shrill  crowing. Then it hits me: How do they know that morning is coming? There is no sign of dawn. The skies are still as dark as midnight... Not even the stars are visible. Don't they ever fear of making fools of themselves? What if morning didn't come? (If there is a scientific explanation for this I am unaware of it.)

They know...because morning never fails! Every night ends in a morning! God created these animals to know even at 4:30 am that soon the light will break forth into day. I am thankful today to serve a God who is far more faithful and consistent then the most reliable things we know.

How is that meaningful to me today? If a rooster can confidently crow in the dark, knowing that morning will come, how much more can I, a child of God, declare the praises of God even when I am surrounded by darkness? God leads us through darkness as well as through light, and I should not allow the darkness to dim my faith that the light WILL break through!

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord More than those who watch for the morning--Yes, more than those who watch for the morning. O Israel, hope in the LORD; For with the LORD there is mercy, And with Him is abundant redemption."
-Psalm 130:5-7 NKJV

More than a Teacher

With determination, I trudged up the muddy street. Small groups of villagers were gathered at the entrances of dimly lit pulperias*. Dogs scurried around in search of something edible.  My weary footsteps were working hard against my stubborn thoughts. It had been a long week and a long day. Sickness and school responsibilities had kept me from attending prayer meetings as regularly as I wanted. Every bone and muscle seemed to be urging me back to my room and rest, but I fought it with every step--I was going! The sound of singing drifted out into the street, inviting each passer-by to join in the joyful service.  I slipped in the through the back door of our humble church and found my seat. As I looked around me, something gripped my mind with a force stronger than my previous resistance. I saw young people from the community; I saw Bible study contacts who were just beginning to attend church, I saw the joy radiating from the faces of the students and Bible workers who had just returned from an afternoon of outreach. But something was missing. I loved my work with the children in Campos Blancos. My life was full of lesson planning, classes, grading, paperwork, teacher meetings, community visitation . I was putting my heart into it because I was sure it was my mission. I loved the morning mountain hikes, the work in my garden, the sharing with my fellow teachers and room mates. Life couldn't get better--or could it? In that instant, God lifted my thoughts higher than my narrow vision of my daily work, beyond the walls of our little school. In my mind's eye, I could see children, young people, families studying God's word and surrendering their lives to Him, and they in turn reaching even further to help others.  The conviction nearly brought tears to my eyes. I knew God was helping me see the big picture, to extend my vision of His work for me.

I made a commitment that night, that if God opened the doors and made it clear, I would be willing to do more. 

This experience happened more than two months ago. Fast forward the story...This last Thursday night I walked the same street toward the church with eager steps. As I entered the church, incredible joy filled my heart to the point where I wondered if it would burst. I suddenly realized that God had now put that joy I had seen on other's faces into my own heart. I had just returned from giving my first Spanish Bible study in the village.  

More to come later...

*small convenience store 

Science Class and Sacrifice

It was the last class of the day...30 more minutes and I would be done teaching for the day! (This week's science lessons have gone well. Since we already covered the required content, I had added a few topics which I could connect to our overall unit theme. This week is about  our responsibility in our treatment of animals.) 

We were well into science class... When a saw a hand waving at the back of the classroom. 

"Yes?" I ask.

"In the Bible, why did God ask people to kill lambs?"

It was a good question and this student was thinking. How could I harmonize our responsibility to respect and care for God's creation with all the Old Testament animal sacrifices? The class was attentively waiting for an answer. 

I asked them, "Does anyone know what it meant for these lambs to die?" One student hinted at the right answer.  Our class had gone far from my lesson plan, but the students continued asking questions.

I began as best as I could to simply explain to them the sacrificial system in the context of God's love.  This experience had a double effect on me: first I got to teach the students something from the bible they really wanted to know; secondly, it really challenged me to see and appreciate God's plan of salvation in a way I had not thought of before.

God does not love suffering. He is not like the heathen gods whose anger the people tried to appease by sacrifices of all sorts. He did not not request animal sacrifices because He delighted in them. (See Psalm 51:16; Isaiah 1:11-13) So why did He ask for all these animal sacrifices? Because He wanted to find a way that could really speak to our minds and hearts, to lead us to realize the cruelty of sin, as well as His great love in pouring out His love and life just for us individually.

This speaks volumes to me of how valuable I am in the eyes of God. There is nothing that can compare to a love like that. He withholds  nothing that I need. He is willing even to allow His creation to suffer if it means I can have a greater chance to see and accept His offer of eternal life. (See Romans 8:19-22) He went beyond that to give everything...His position and reputation, His Honor and glory, His divinity and power...to become a servant, a sacrifice, to become nothing (see Philippians 2:6-8) that I may inherit everything that He deserves. 

What wondrous love is this... 

Freely Give

"For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)

One day it hit me...my students have no idea what I went through in the last five years so that I could be a teacher.  They have never seen the diploma or the grades that summarize my hard work.  I know that they realize little of the work and commitment of a teacher. They don't see me when I hike to the mountain early in the morning to pray for them.  They don't know how stressful it is for me to discipline them, or how it hurts me when I have to take privileges away from them. 

So why do I do it? because, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35) The need of my students is greater than their ability to give. I can't measure what I give them by their ability to give back to me. I must learn the joy of giving simply for the sake of giving. I can't expect them to fully appreciate what I am doing for them.

But, why? "...freely ye have received, freely give."(Matthew 10:8) My Heavenly Father has done more for me than I could ever repay. What if He had waited until I could understand and appreciate the price He paid for me? (I would be lost!) In return, He only asks for what I am capable of giving.

I am starting to understand in a deeper way what it means to live a life of service. It's really not about what's fair. It's not about getting back what I gave or being rewarded for my sacrifice. Its not about counting the cost, and seeing if I will have enough left over for my own pleasure. God knows that the greatest joy I can experience is simply giving. Does it add up? Remember, it's God's math, not ours!

"For God so loved the world that He gave..." (John 3:16)

Lifeline

"Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared; Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;" -Hebrews 5:7-8

I'm sure that my missionary friends can relate there are moments when one desperately needs a lifeline.  Our Savior needed one and had one--the One able to "save Him from death." There are moments when we are completely overwhelmed by our human weakness, moments when there seems to be no one left to depend on, moments when we feel our complete insignificance compared to the need which God calls us to meet, moments when the future seems so hazy that the next step seems to be nothingness.  Moments of strong crying and tears, but they are tears of hope, knowing that God cannot fail us. 

I have decided to share just a few of the gems that have been my greatest comfort in the last five months. I pray that they may find and reach a heart in need of them. 

"The worker in a foreign field must carry in his heart the peace and love of heaven; for this is his only safety. Amid perplexity and trial, discouragement and suffering, with the devotion of a martyr and the courage of a hero, he is to hold fast to the hand that never lets go, saying, “I will not fail nor be discouraged.” He must be a close Bible student, and should be often in prayer. If, before talking with others, he will seek help from above, he may be assured that angels of heaven will be with him. At times he may yearn for human sympathy, but in his loneliness he may find comfort and encouragement through communion with God. Let him be cheered by the words of the Saviour, “Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.” [Matthew 28:20.] From this divine Companion he will receive instruction in the science of soul-saving. – {GW 469.1

"In the courts above, Christ is pleading for His church—pleading for those for whom He has paid the redemption price of His blood. Centuries, ages, can never lessen the efficacy of His atoning sacrifice. Neither life nor death, height nor depth, can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus; not because we hold Him so firmly, but because He holds us so fast. If our salvation depended on our own efforts, we could not be saved; but it depends on the One who is behind all the promises. Our grasp on Him may seem feeble, but His love is that of an elder brother; so long as we maintain our union with Him, no one can pluck us out of His hand." – {AA 552.2}

"Christ desired His disciples to understand that He would not leave them orphans. “I will not leave you comfortless,” He declared: “I will come to you” (John 14:18, 19).... 

The words spoken to the disciples come to us through their words. The Comforter is ours as well as theirs, at all times and in all places, in all sorrows and in all affliction, when the outlook seems dark and the future perplexing and we feel helpless and alone. These are times when the Comforter will be sent in answer to the prayer of faith. – {OFC 127.3}

There is no comforter like Christ, so tender and so true. He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities. His Spirit speaks to the heart. Circumstances may separate us from our friends; the broad, restless ocean may roll between us and them. Though their sincere friendship may still exist, they may be unable to demonstrate it by doing for us that which would be gratefully received. But no circumstances, no distance, can separate us from the heavenly Comforter. Wherever we are, wherever we may go, He is always there, one given in Christ’s place, to act in His stead. He is always at our right hand, to speak soothing, gentle words, to support, sustain, uphold, and cheer. The influence of the Holy Spirit is the life of Christ in the soul. This Spirit works in and through every one who receives Christ. Those who know the indwelling of this Spirit reveal its fruit—love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith. – {OFC 127.4}

"We are not worthy of God’s love, but Christ, our surety, is worthy, and is abundantly able to save all who shall come unto Him. Whatever may have been your past experience, however discouraging your present circumstances, if you will come to Jesus just as you are, weak, helpless, and despairing, our compassionate Saviour will meet you a great way off, and will throw about you His arms of love and His robe of righteousness. He presents us to the Father clothed in the white raiment of His own character. He pleads before God in our behalf, saying: I have taken the sinner’s place. Look not upon this wayward child, but look on Me. Does Satan plead loudly against our souls, accusing of sin, and claiming us as his prey, the blood of Christ pleads with greater power. "– {MB 8.2}

"The Lord will work for all who put their trust in Him. Precious victories will be gained by the faithful. Precious lessons will be learned. Precious experiences will be realized. "– {MB 11.1}

Fullness of Joy

"Jennita, I want to talk to you!"  It had been a long day. Things were
winding down and I was preparing to finish the last details of my
lesson planning for the next day. But, I knew that voice. My room
mates were peacefully working as they chatted quietly...it was so
inviting. But this conversation could not wait. I could not neglect
the highest privilege in the universe. At first I thought it might be
something urgent, but the message was so simple, directly from a
Father who knows me better than I know myself. Only He knew what had
been happening in my life. He knew exactly the experience I had just
been through, the things that at times almost caused me to question.
He knew how much I needed the reassurance that He was in control, that
He cared for me beyond any other.

It was wonderful, but soon my mind was wandering (so much like
Martha!)...back to my unfinished lesson plans, my final exams, my
weakened condition after a battle with dengue fever, the long week
ahead of me.  “Lord, how can I do it? I groaned.”  I was already
thinking how early I needed to be awake the next morning to get back
“on track.”  The response almost startled me: “Do you trust Me?” A
long silence followed.... “Yes, Lord; Help me.”  I knew it was the
only way.
“Think back over the last five months.  Can you think of a time I
have not been there for you.  Has there ever been a time when you
really needed help and I was not there for you?”
“No...”
“Do you remember the miracles...what I brought you through? Can you
trust what I have done for you in the past?”
“Yes...”
“Is there anything else I can do to make you happier?”
“Really, I have never been happier in my life.”
I drifted off to sleep.  I woke up much later than I expected the next morning.
“Lord, now what?”
“Do you still trust Me? I took care of everything for you, that you
could not do.”
“Everything?  OK....”

What followed was one of the most precious experiences with God.  The
time seemed utterly too short, but when I headed to school that
morning, I knew I was not alone.  Miracles happened throughout the
day, so that I was able to finish everything during my free class
period.  The students were great.  They enjoyed classes.  .....All
because HE was there.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of
joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”  (Psalm
16:11)

I can truly say that God has made this experience a deepening and
growing reality in my life.  I feel such a complete fulfilment that I
could not ask for anything else.
There’s the questions I am asked so frequently:  But isn’t it hard?
Isn’t there loneliness and discouragement?  Aren’t there mosquitoes,
scorpions, bats, and, snakes?  What about those tropical diseases?
Don’t the children ever yell at you and say they hate you?  Don’t you
ever wish you were doing something else? Don’t you miss having
electricity?
Let me suggest a better question:  Don’t  I serve a God who is greater
than all these things?  A God who I can trust because my life depends
on Him?  My happiness does not come from the fact that the above
things never happen. (Every missionary has stories!!)  Happiness is
not determined by how I feel or how I am treated. This complete joy
comes from a higher reality.  I can live by faith, in spite of all
these things, and above them. Why couldn’t I be the happiest person in
the world?
“Those who in everything make God first and last and best, are the
happiest people in the world. {FE 83.3}



--
*"It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ."
                                                     ~*Esther Kerr Rusthoi