More than a Teacher

With determination, I trudged up the muddy street. Small groups of villagers were gathered at the entrances of dimly lit pulperias*. Dogs scurried around in search of something edible.  My weary footsteps were working hard against my stubborn thoughts. It had been a long week and a long day. Sickness and school responsibilities had kept me from attending prayer meetings as regularly as I wanted. Every bone and muscle seemed to be urging me back to my room and rest, but I fought it with every step--I was going! The sound of singing drifted out into the street, inviting each passer-by to join in the joyful service.  I slipped in the through the back door of our humble church and found my seat. As I looked around me, something gripped my mind with a force stronger than my previous resistance. I saw young people from the community; I saw Bible study contacts who were just beginning to attend church, I saw the joy radiating from the faces of the students and Bible workers who had just returned from an afternoon of outreach. But something was missing. I loved my work with the children in Campos Blancos. My life was full of lesson planning, classes, grading, paperwork, teacher meetings, community visitation . I was putting my heart into it because I was sure it was my mission. I loved the morning mountain hikes, the work in my garden, the sharing with my fellow teachers and room mates. Life couldn't get better--or could it? In that instant, God lifted my thoughts higher than my narrow vision of my daily work, beyond the walls of our little school. In my mind's eye, I could see children, young people, families studying God's word and surrendering their lives to Him, and they in turn reaching even further to help others.  The conviction nearly brought tears to my eyes. I knew God was helping me see the big picture, to extend my vision of His work for me.

I made a commitment that night, that if God opened the doors and made it clear, I would be willing to do more. 

This experience happened more than two months ago. Fast forward the story...This last Thursday night I walked the same street toward the church with eager steps. As I entered the church, incredible joy filled my heart to the point where I wondered if it would burst. I suddenly realized that God had now put that joy I had seen on other's faces into my own heart. I had just returned from giving my first Spanish Bible study in the village.  

More to come later...

*small convenience store 

Science Class and Sacrifice

It was the last class of the day...30 more minutes and I would be done teaching for the day! (This week's science lessons have gone well. Since we already covered the required content, I had added a few topics which I could connect to our overall unit theme. This week is about  our responsibility in our treatment of animals.) 

We were well into science class... When a saw a hand waving at the back of the classroom. 

"Yes?" I ask.

"In the Bible, why did God ask people to kill lambs?"

It was a good question and this student was thinking. How could I harmonize our responsibility to respect and care for God's creation with all the Old Testament animal sacrifices? The class was attentively waiting for an answer. 

I asked them, "Does anyone know what it meant for these lambs to die?" One student hinted at the right answer.  Our class had gone far from my lesson plan, but the students continued asking questions.

I began as best as I could to simply explain to them the sacrificial system in the context of God's love.  This experience had a double effect on me: first I got to teach the students something from the bible they really wanted to know; secondly, it really challenged me to see and appreciate God's plan of salvation in a way I had not thought of before.

God does not love suffering. He is not like the heathen gods whose anger the people tried to appease by sacrifices of all sorts. He did not not request animal sacrifices because He delighted in them. (See Psalm 51:16; Isaiah 1:11-13) So why did He ask for all these animal sacrifices? Because He wanted to find a way that could really speak to our minds and hearts, to lead us to realize the cruelty of sin, as well as His great love in pouring out His love and life just for us individually.

This speaks volumes to me of how valuable I am in the eyes of God. There is nothing that can compare to a love like that. He withholds  nothing that I need. He is willing even to allow His creation to suffer if it means I can have a greater chance to see and accept His offer of eternal life. (See Romans 8:19-22) He went beyond that to give everything...His position and reputation, His Honor and glory, His divinity and power...to become a servant, a sacrifice, to become nothing (see Philippians 2:6-8) that I may inherit everything that He deserves. 

What wondrous love is this... 

Freely Give

"For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)

One day it hit me...my students have no idea what I went through in the last five years so that I could be a teacher.  They have never seen the diploma or the grades that summarize my hard work.  I know that they realize little of the work and commitment of a teacher. They don't see me when I hike to the mountain early in the morning to pray for them.  They don't know how stressful it is for me to discipline them, or how it hurts me when I have to take privileges away from them. 

So why do I do it? because, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." (Acts 20:35) The need of my students is greater than their ability to give. I can't measure what I give them by their ability to give back to me. I must learn the joy of giving simply for the sake of giving. I can't expect them to fully appreciate what I am doing for them.

But, why? "...freely ye have received, freely give."(Matthew 10:8) My Heavenly Father has done more for me than I could ever repay. What if He had waited until I could understand and appreciate the price He paid for me? (I would be lost!) In return, He only asks for what I am capable of giving.

I am starting to understand in a deeper way what it means to live a life of service. It's really not about what's fair. It's not about getting back what I gave or being rewarded for my sacrifice. Its not about counting the cost, and seeing if I will have enough left over for my own pleasure. God knows that the greatest joy I can experience is simply giving. Does it add up? Remember, it's God's math, not ours!

"For God so loved the world that He gave..." (John 3:16)

Lifeline

"Who in the days of his flesh, when he had offered up prayers and supplications with strong crying and tears unto him that was able to save him from death, and was heard in that he feared; Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;" -Hebrews 5:7-8

I'm sure that my missionary friends can relate there are moments when one desperately needs a lifeline.  Our Savior needed one and had one--the One able to "save Him from death." There are moments when we are completely overwhelmed by our human weakness, moments when there seems to be no one left to depend on, moments when we feel our complete insignificance compared to the need which God calls us to meet, moments when the future seems so hazy that the next step seems to be nothingness.  Moments of strong crying and tears, but they are tears of hope, knowing that God cannot fail us. 

I have decided to share just a few of the gems that have been my greatest comfort in the last five months. I pray that they may find and reach a heart in need of them. 

"The worker in a foreign field must carry in his heart the peace and love of heaven; for this is his only safety. Amid perplexity and trial, discouragement and suffering, with the devotion of a martyr and the courage of a hero, he is to hold fast to the hand that never lets go, saying, “I will not fail nor be discouraged.” He must be a close Bible student, and should be often in prayer. If, before talking with others, he will seek help from above, he may be assured that angels of heaven will be with him. At times he may yearn for human sympathy, but in his loneliness he may find comfort and encouragement through communion with God. Let him be cheered by the words of the Saviour, “Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world.” [Matthew 28:20.] From this divine Companion he will receive instruction in the science of soul-saving. – {GW 469.1

"In the courts above, Christ is pleading for His church—pleading for those for whom He has paid the redemption price of His blood. Centuries, ages, can never lessen the efficacy of His atoning sacrifice. Neither life nor death, height nor depth, can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus; not because we hold Him so firmly, but because He holds us so fast. If our salvation depended on our own efforts, we could not be saved; but it depends on the One who is behind all the promises. Our grasp on Him may seem feeble, but His love is that of an elder brother; so long as we maintain our union with Him, no one can pluck us out of His hand." – {AA 552.2}

"Christ desired His disciples to understand that He would not leave them orphans. “I will not leave you comfortless,” He declared: “I will come to you” (John 14:18, 19).... 

The words spoken to the disciples come to us through their words. The Comforter is ours as well as theirs, at all times and in all places, in all sorrows and in all affliction, when the outlook seems dark and the future perplexing and we feel helpless and alone. These are times when the Comforter will be sent in answer to the prayer of faith. – {OFC 127.3}

There is no comforter like Christ, so tender and so true. He is touched with the feeling of our infirmities. His Spirit speaks to the heart. Circumstances may separate us from our friends; the broad, restless ocean may roll between us and them. Though their sincere friendship may still exist, they may be unable to demonstrate it by doing for us that which would be gratefully received. But no circumstances, no distance, can separate us from the heavenly Comforter. Wherever we are, wherever we may go, He is always there, one given in Christ’s place, to act in His stead. He is always at our right hand, to speak soothing, gentle words, to support, sustain, uphold, and cheer. The influence of the Holy Spirit is the life of Christ in the soul. This Spirit works in and through every one who receives Christ. Those who know the indwelling of this Spirit reveal its fruit—love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith. – {OFC 127.4}

"We are not worthy of God’s love, but Christ, our surety, is worthy, and is abundantly able to save all who shall come unto Him. Whatever may have been your past experience, however discouraging your present circumstances, if you will come to Jesus just as you are, weak, helpless, and despairing, our compassionate Saviour will meet you a great way off, and will throw about you His arms of love and His robe of righteousness. He presents us to the Father clothed in the white raiment of His own character. He pleads before God in our behalf, saying: I have taken the sinner’s place. Look not upon this wayward child, but look on Me. Does Satan plead loudly against our souls, accusing of sin, and claiming us as his prey, the blood of Christ pleads with greater power. "– {MB 8.2}

"The Lord will work for all who put their trust in Him. Precious victories will be gained by the faithful. Precious lessons will be learned. Precious experiences will be realized. "– {MB 11.1}

Fullness of Joy

"Jennita, I want to talk to you!"  It had been a long day. Things were
winding down and I was preparing to finish the last details of my
lesson planning for the next day. But, I knew that voice. My room
mates were peacefully working as they chatted quietly...it was so
inviting. But this conversation could not wait. I could not neglect
the highest privilege in the universe. At first I thought it might be
something urgent, but the message was so simple, directly from a
Father who knows me better than I know myself. Only He knew what had
been happening in my life. He knew exactly the experience I had just
been through, the things that at times almost caused me to question.
He knew how much I needed the reassurance that He was in control, that
He cared for me beyond any other.

It was wonderful, but soon my mind was wandering (so much like
Martha!)...back to my unfinished lesson plans, my final exams, my
weakened condition after a battle with dengue fever, the long week
ahead of me.  “Lord, how can I do it? I groaned.”  I was already
thinking how early I needed to be awake the next morning to get back
“on track.”  The response almost startled me: “Do you trust Me?” A
long silence followed.... “Yes, Lord; Help me.”  I knew it was the
only way.
“Think back over the last five months.  Can you think of a time I
have not been there for you.  Has there ever been a time when you
really needed help and I was not there for you?”
“No...”
“Do you remember the miracles...what I brought you through? Can you
trust what I have done for you in the past?”
“Yes...”
“Is there anything else I can do to make you happier?”
“Really, I have never been happier in my life.”
I drifted off to sleep.  I woke up much later than I expected the next morning.
“Lord, now what?”
“Do you still trust Me? I took care of everything for you, that you
could not do.”
“Everything?  OK....”

What followed was one of the most precious experiences with God.  The
time seemed utterly too short, but when I headed to school that
morning, I knew I was not alone.  Miracles happened throughout the
day, so that I was able to finish everything during my free class
period.  The students were great.  They enjoyed classes.  .....All
because HE was there.

“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of
joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”  (Psalm
16:11)

I can truly say that God has made this experience a deepening and
growing reality in my life.  I feel such a complete fulfilment that I
could not ask for anything else.
There’s the questions I am asked so frequently:  But isn’t it hard?
Isn’t there loneliness and discouragement?  Aren’t there mosquitoes,
scorpions, bats, and, snakes?  What about those tropical diseases?
Don’t the children ever yell at you and say they hate you?  Don’t you
ever wish you were doing something else? Don’t you miss having
electricity?
Let me suggest a better question:  Don’t  I serve a God who is greater
than all these things?  A God who I can trust because my life depends
on Him?  My happiness does not come from the fact that the above
things never happen. (Every missionary has stories!!)  Happiness is
not determined by how I feel or how I am treated. This complete joy
comes from a higher reality.  I can live by faith, in spite of all
these things, and above them. Why couldn’t I be the happiest person in
the world?
“Those who in everything make God first and last and best, are the
happiest people in the world. {FE 83.3}



--
*"It will be worth it all when we see Jesus,
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ;
One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase,
So bravely run the race till we see Christ."
                                                     ~*Esther Kerr Rusthoi

Rainy Season Reflections

I stood by a splashing dashing stream swollen by the recent storm. It's murky waters hurried by, carrying the tint of the banks which tried in vain to contain the flood.  It picked up rubbish in its mad rush, overturning rocks and sticks and clumps of grass. What can I learn from this? I mused.

It reminds me of the life absorbed in anxiety and fret, always rushing, but never achieving, always obtaining, but never satisfied. The worried, troubled mind rushes endlessly but never seems to arrive at its destination. On it goes, disturbing others, overturning the rocks that were meant to glisten in its bed, uprooting the grass that was to adorn its banks, eroding the soil, it is supposed to nourish. The troubled mind resists its 'banks', carving away the circumstances, the very means ordained by God to keep us in his will. How can I help and nurture others without destroying them, if i never be still and wait on the Lord? How can I reflect Christ when my rushing waters are murky with self? How can I represent my savior if my life only reflects the circumstances through which it passes?

Helpless...

Immigration.  A word that has crossed my path many times, and often associated with mixed anxiety, anticipation, joy, and disappointment. And here we meet again!

It is the day for which I have waited and prayed.  Now I sit in a strange place with three backpacks at my feet and surrounded by complete strangers. The hours pass slowly... Nothing is happening. At least I cannot see anything happening. 

I entered the country of Honduras on a 90 day visa. Right after I came we applied for my residency. As the days and weeks passed I realized that the residency needed to come through soon or I would have to go through the process of extending my visa. First, we heard it was not coming through, then this week, they called saying my papers were ready and that I needed to come into the office on Thursday-- which happens to be the very day my visa expires!

So I, along with Juan Sebastian (IBC student) and Eric (VIDA staff member), arrive at the immigration office in Tegucigalpa, only to find out that the lawyer still had not signed the most important document...but the lawyer was expected to come anytime. So we waited and waited...

Juan Sebastian got his residency. More hours passed. We went to the mall for two hours and came back to check on progress... Still nothing! The last bus to El Suyatal would be leaving soon. What would we do if we missed the bus? We looked at each other and sighed. It was going to be a long day. It was about this time I was impressed to pray more earnestly than I had been earlier. At this point, the difference of one hour could mean losing another day of work, another trip to the city, and hundreds of lempiras (the local currency).  I knew it was in God's hands to perform a miracle. I just felt so helpless.... All I could do was sit there unable to do anything to solve the problem. Just then a promise came to mind:

"Nothing is apparently more helpless, yet really more invincible, than the soul that feels its nothingness and relies wholly on the merits of the Saviour. God would send every angel in heaven to the aid of such a one, rather than allow him to be overcome." – {7T 17.3}

Another hour passes. The immigration office would be closing in  less than ten minutes. Suddenly Eric bursts through the door with the signed document.  He tries to get the attention of a busy official to let him know.  The response does not seem very hopeful. This official has had a long day and just wants to get home. I could almost hear the desperation in Eric's voice as he presents our case.  Then he turns to me: "Jennita, where is the money? I need your passport! Take these and go make copies! Quickly!" The orders were coming faster than I could process, but there was no time for questions. I thrust the money into Eric's hand: I ran in one direction, and he ran to the bank in the mall. I had not even crossed the parking lot, when the bystanders began shouting "It's closed! It's closed!" My heart sank. Everything is in the balance now. But still I hurried back to the counter of the immigration office, and told those at the counter what had happened. One lady (another official who was listening) suddenly grabbed my papers and disappeared into the back of the office. Eric now arrived, and since the bank fees are paid he sends me straight to the same official (the one who basically refused us earlier) announcing over my shoulder, "Everything is done; she is ready to have the paperwork finished."  As I sit down, the official growls, "Where are your documents?" I really did not know what to say, but just then the lady showed up again and placed all the papers on his desk. I sighed (this time in relief!) as I finished filling out all the Spanish paperwork...It was done!  Thanking the officials, we made our way out to the street. 

But the day was far from over. We were pretty much stranded in the city as the last bus to El Suyatal had left several hours ago. Eric called a friend of his, who agreed to pick us up and take us to the marketplace, in hopes of finding a bus that, at least, might go in the direction we needed to go. But it was rush hour and sometimes traffic nearly stopped. Well, we were were hopelessly late for the 6:00 p. m. bus. In all, we spent over an hour driving around the city trying to find another bus. Finally we arrived at a station just ten minutes before the bus left. This one could take us to a city about 45 minutes-1 hour from our destination. We hurriedly paid our fare and boarded the bus. I am learning something about public transportation in Honduras: there is no such thing as personal space...people just board the bus until every space is used to its potential. It was a very stuffy ride with loud music blaring, but at least we were moving! About 80 minutes later, we were dropped off in a gasoline station to wait for our next ride. Another staff member was driving to pick us up. It was with a truly grateful heart that I took off my heavy backpack, sank into the comfortable seat, and for the first time since coming to Honduras (!!!) had the luxury of putting on a seatbelt. It was a wonderful feeling!

Such is a day in the life of a missionary! I am truly grateful for a God who loves me in enough to allow these experiences that will try my patience and develop my character. However helpless and hopeless it seems.... He is faithful!

Be Still...

Psalms 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God:
I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.


Psalms 46:5
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:
God shall help her, and that right early.


2 Chronicles 20:17
Ye shall not need to fight in this battle:set yourselves, stand ye still, and see the salvation of the Lord with you, O Judah and Jerusalem:fear not, nor be dismayed; to morrow go out against them:for the Lord will be with you.

Well known verses, but they mean a lot to me right now. However simple, when God proves Himself true, the experience is worth remembering. In the busiest week of my teaching experience here, I found myself frustrated....

Frustrated...Today, the school director will visit our second grade classroom and observe my science class. Of all times, I want a well-planned lesson. I knew since Sunday, but that didn't really help. No matter how many times I sat down to research or try to plan this lesson, it was a failure. Lest you think that I plan all my lessons this way, I had my classes all planned at the beginning of the week. But, since my fellow second grade teacher was away for business on Monday, class plans suffered a fruit basket upset. I taught a boubke science lesson, and somehow managed to cover most of the week's material. Now what? "Lord, I was able to plan and get all the materials for art class in ten minutes... Why can't that happen for science?" Hours and days go by but with no success.

Frustrated....The big bulletin board/banner into which  my students and I have put forth so much enthusiastic effort has been destroyed by the tropical downpours. It is now a mess of wilted, soggy, and smeared butcher paper. Sigh... It's too late to start a new one, but I'm afraid it will destroy my students' motivation when they find out what happened to their hard work.

But, I go to sleep anyway, knowing that worry will not solve either problem.  When I woke up at 3:30 this morning, God have me the answer to both problems!  I was so excited, I couldn't sleep anymore! The solutions are so simple that I wonder that I did not think of them before... Any effort before today would have been a waste, and God knew I did not have time to waste...He is faithful!

Before the Bell Tolls

It was one of those days when reality  just cuts its way a little deeper into my heart.  I was walking to town with a busy afternoon agenda. In the distance I could hear the bell of the village church...but it was not Sunday. As I rounded the corner, I saw it: bright bouquets of flowers carried by teary-eyed women, men in small groups walking with downcast eyes. The whole atmosphere of the village seemed solemnly silent. I have seen many funerals in my life...I did not even know the person who had passed away, yet I still felt a lump in my throat...death and sorrow were never meant to be. 

 But I live in a dying world. This is why I am here. The fact that I woke up breathing this morning is not by accident. My life does not belong to me, but to the One who gave it that I might live for Him, that I might save others before the bell tolls for them, that I might make a difference... Before it is too late.

John 9:4

"I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day:the night cometh, when no man can work."

Ecclesiastes 9:10

"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might..."

Lord, give me an urgency to do your will alone!

 

What is Your Name?

Agony. Tears. Remorse. Regret. Loneliness. Fear. All plagued the man of God as he wrestled that night with his own thoughts. Had God forsaken him in this desperate need? Had God forgiven his sinful past? Would He deliver his servant? Hour after hour he pleaded, and cried, and cast his helpless soul on the only help he knew--his Savior.  The answer came unexpectedly...

Suddenly he was grabbed by strong hands. Friend or foe, he could not know. He began to fight for life itself. Just as he met the end of his human strength, he was inflicted with the excruciating pain which brought the realization that he had o been wrestling with the greatest power in the universe. Fighting the only power that can save him! Now, instead of pleading for deliverance, he clings to the Lord, pleading for a blessing.

The response Jacob received is what motivated me to write this blog. 

"And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob.".  Genesis 32:27

Why would God ask a question like that? He knew Jacob's name!  Jacob did not receive his name by accident; many events in his life reveal that he had indeed been a cheat and a deceiver. Jacob wanted a blessing, God revealed to him his greatest need, just like Nicodemus, Peter, and the woman at the well. All had to come to a realization of their true condition and desperate need of a transformation. 

The blessing Jacob most needed came indeed..."And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel:for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed." Genesis 32:28

Every Christian will experience struggles such as Jacob's--times where we feel helpless and alone--times when it seems that the sins of our past will crush us--times when there seems to be no answer to our plea.

What is your name? What is my name? If we were named according to our character, what would our name be? Proud? Dishonest? Critical? Unloving? Impure? It's not a place we like to go....but that is where God begins.

I want to serve a God like that who will not only forgive my past, but will change my name... And give me the power to live up to it.

Living For Jesus

Why?  The question that pierces almost everything I do.  The inner longing for certainty, that unquenchable desire to have purpose and a reason to live. The question haunts me on those dark,quiet nights when all I can do is think and pray.  It rises to the surface of every troubling circumstance. It stares me in the face every time I question my ability to do the work that God has given me to do..."Lord, why am I here?  Why am I doing THIS?  Why should I be faithful?  Why do I keep pressing on when I am tempted to feel it is not worth it? Why did you choose me?  Why do I matter to to You?"


Ninety-six years ago, an American minister and writer, Thomas Chisholm, captured the answer to these questions and expressed it through poetry.  


Living for Jesus, a life that is true,
Striving to please Him in all that I do;
Yielding allegiance, glad-hearted and free,
This is the pathway of blessing for me.


Living for Jesus Who died in my place,
Bearing on Calv’ry my sin and disgrace;
Such love constrains me to answer His call,
Follow His leading and give Him my all.


Living for Jesus, wherever I am,
Doing each duty in His holy Name;
Willing to suffer affliction and loss,
Deeming each trial a part of my cross.


Living for Jesus through earth’s little while,
My dearest treasure, the light of His smile;
Seeking the lost ones He died to redeem,
Bringing the weary to find rest in Him.


O Jesus, Lord and Savior, I give myself to Thee,
For Thou, in Thy atonement, didst give Thyself for me;
I own no other Master, my heart shall be Thy throne;
My life I give, henceforth to live, O Christ, for Thee alone.


- Living for Jesus by Thomas O. Chisholm, 1917


The answer is that it is about Jesus, and not about me, my abilities, my weakness, my failings or achievements.  It is about Him....His strength, His love and sacrifice, His purpose and will for me.  Yes, there are still days when I must go forward without answers to some of my questions....but this I know: I am living for Jesus.  He has given all for me and that is enough to keep me following Him every step of the way.

Spiritual Splints

Although I have never broken any of my own bones, I have witnessed several people who have.  I know that healing in such cases is a long and sometimes painful process. The broken bone is usually put in a cast or splint to aid the healing process by holding the bone in its proper place.

I was honestly surprised at the spiritual parallels I found, specifically how God heals us from our brokenness.  But, spiritual splints? God knows as we never can, the extent of our brokenness. He knows that our efforts to heal ourselves can only result in greater injury to ourselves. He knows that we need a 'reset.'  Our own impatience and restlessness can make of none effect His healing power. The only answer is a realization of our complete helplessness and a complete dependence on His power... Simple, right? The problem is we don't like it. We want instant healing... We don't want to be restricted...we don't like the painful waiting! We want to see the healing happening, instead of having to trust that it is happening.

Have you ever found yourself hedged in by circumstances that don't make sense? Does it seem like every time you try to move, you hit a brick wall? Are you in a situation where you just cannot be useful? Might it be a spiritual splint?

It has happened before: Moses as a shepherd in Midian, John the Baptist, Paul in Arabia. Are we to proud to admit that we are also in need of such preparation? It may come at the time we least expect. Like Peter, we may cry, "Thou shalt never wash my feet. " (John 13:8) and the All-knowing Savior answers, "What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter." (John 13:7)

Is It Worth It?

In the garden weeping alone,

Prostrate on the chilling stone,

Hungry, weary, His strength is spent

Demons strive His soul to tempt--

My Savior fights my soul to save

From a dark, eternal grave.

Sweat drops falls as blood to the ground

Can another way be found?

“Let Not my will but Thine be done--

the battle forever won.

I will follow in duty’s path

I will face the dragon’s wrath.”

But will they ever love me?

Is it worth my agony?

Will they accept the price I paid?

Do they realize what I gave?

Now He stands in heav’n above

Pleading there in deepest love:

“Behold my wounded feet and side;

It was for their sins I died.

They are graven on my hands

I have paid the law’s demands.

I gave my all on Calvary--

Was it worth Gethsemane?”

He looks beyond the pain today

When tears will all be wiped away

He does not see my sinful past

But on the crystal sea of glass

He sees among the ransomed throng

Singing the redemption song

His child robed in purest white,

An overcomer by His might.

Jennita Schmidt, June 2013

I Can't Hear It

It was a busy Monday morning at Wildwood Adventist School.  I was just getting the students settled into their individual assignments.  My three first graders were seated at the computer to begin watching/listening to their math lesson.  Each student was adjusting their own headphones when, from across the room, I heard the exclamation: “Miss Jennita, I can’t hear it!”  The other two students could hear just fine and she could not understand what was wrong with her headphones!  Looking over her shoulder, I saw the problem immediately...she had neglected to connect her headphones.  She was going through the motions, but it was not working.

It was a simple incident, yet even as I stood there trying not to laugh as I helped her “make the connection,”  I was overwhelmed by the power of this object lesson.  How many times have I said to God, “I can’t hear it!”  I plead for His guidance, I pray for a  revelation of His will, I long to see His character...but when He speaks, I can’t hear it.

He speaks to me through the written word, through precious promises, through words of warning and rebuke, through the accounts of God’s servants, but sometimes it does not make sense to me, sometimes my stubborn heart wants its way...I can’t hear it.

He speaks to me through nature, through the spectacular colors of the sunset, through the mystery of the germinating seed, through the cheery songs of the birds. But I am busy, I have other issues on my mind, and there are too many other voices shouting in my ears...I can’t hear it.

He speaks to me through the leadings of His providence, but I already have my cherished plans, I am too busy trying to do it my way...I can’t hear it.

He speaks to me through the counsel of a friend, a mentor, or a minister of God.  But I already know who I can trust and I already know what I need to know...I can’t hear it.

And there I sit with bowed head, buried in my discouragement and frustration, wondering why God has forsaken me.  I have waited for an answer but none has come.  In vain I have searched for answers in the fire, the wind, and the earthquake.  I have waited for miracles and longed for His approval...but I still can’t hear it.

But, have I really listened?  Have I taken the time to seek and know my Savior as my friend?  Have I determined that He will hold first place in my heart?  Is my heart open “to hear the faintest whisperings of His voice”? {TMK 328.2} 

In all who are under the training of God is to be revealed a life that is not in harmony with the world, its customs, or its practices; and everyone needs to have a personal experience in obtaining a knowledge of the will of God. We must individually hear Him speaking to the heart. When every other voice is hushed, and in quietness we wait before Him, the silence of the soul makes more distinct the voice of God. He bids us, "Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10. Here alone can true rest be found.  And this is the effectual preparation for all who labor for God.”  {DA 363.3}

My Candle

My earthly life is like a candle

Not just as a work art;

Designed to be a living channel,

in God’s grace to have a part.

I know that I was made for service,

Not to seek my selfish will;

Created for a special purpose:

God’s own mission to fulfill.

Then I hear my Savior speaking:

“Let your light to others shine.

Point the longing ones now seeking

to the Light, themselves to find.”

But I cannot be a true witness

with a candle dark and cold;

Lord, alone, I can give no brightness

to a dying, needy world,

But as I look to you my Maker

grant me, Lord, my heart’s desire.

Take now this weak and humble taper

Light me with your holy fire.

Now I feel the consuming power

of the Holy Spirit’s flame

Changing and molding me each hour—

I will never be the same.

While this fire within me is burning

melting me with love anew,

You satisfy, my deepest yearning.

Let me be a light for You.

--Jennita Schmidt, April 27, 2013 

Be Ready in the Morning...

"And be ready in the morning, and come up in the morning unto mount Sinai, and present thyself there to me in the top of the mount. And no man shall come up with thee, neither let any man be seen throughout all the mount; neither let the flocks nor herds feed before that mount."  (Exodus 34:2,3)

The last lingering moments of the Sabbath were slipping away as I sat quietly meditating and reflecting--clinging to the last fleeting glimpses of a day spent with God and pondering the challenges of a new week ahead.  I had seen God's blessing, I had felt His presence, but I wanted more...more faith, more consecration, more of Him.  The answer came soon enough...in fact so suddenly that it nearly took me by surprise...just be ready.  Ready for what?  In my mind's eye I could see the aged patriarch bowed before the eternal God who had just commanded him to lead the people of Israel to the promised land.  Moses' answer was "If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence." (Ex. 33:15)  He was not even willing to carry out a direct command of God unless he had unmistakable evidence of God's favor and presence.  God had given him the verbal assurance....but Moses was not satisfied. He made one of the boldest requests ever made by a human being: "... I beseech thee, shew me thy glory." (Vs 18)  Wonder of wonders, God does not rebuke His pleading servant, but agrees to grant his request.  The condition...just be ready.  Come up to the mountain in the morning.  The mountain!  The same mountain where God has revealed Himself in thunder and smoke, where He had handed Moses the two tables of stone inscribed with His law and revealed the intricate and detailed pattern for the sanctuary--come to the mountain.  I can only imagine how Moses' heart must have thrilled with unspeakable joy and enthusiasm.  He had to be ready.

God had given me the answer.  I must be ready....ready to listen to His voice, ready to spend time with Him, ready to set aside all distractions, ready by faith to enter the presence of God!  My mind struggled to grasp the significance of what God was telling me.  What if Moses had slept in that morning?  What if he had postponed the divine appointment for an important leadership meeting?  What if He had excused himself to have a counseling session or settle a quarrel in the camp? But even as I wonder, I see that there is a reason God had chosen Moses to be the leader of His people--a man so humble and selfless, so dedicated and self-sacrificing, that He would seek the presence of God above any other consideration.  What was the result of Moses' obedient preparation?  Exodus chapter 34 gives the count of God's amazing revelation of His character.

 How many mountain-top experiences have I missed because of earthy trifles?  How many times has God said of me "If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace..." (Luke 19:42)  Lord, have mercy on us, that will we seek Him before these things are forever hidden from our eyes!

"If men will walk with God, He will hide them in the cleft of the Rock. Thus hidden, they can see God, even as Moses saw Him. By the power and light that He imparts they can comprehend more and accomplish more than their finite judgment had deemed possible."  {AA 362.3}